You Blew It, Kate

A few years back, I was totally hooked on Jon & Kate Plus 8. Come on, those adorable little munchkins with their germaphobe mom and slacker dad? How could you not get sucked in? I stopped watching just before they actually moved into a house that could hold all of them as well as all the camera crews that practically live with them, but I kept up with the Gosselins via the internet and People magazines (you know, reliable sources). So while I missed the airing of the marital breakdown, I read about it plenty.

Let me confess right now to having a secret affinity for Kate. I mean, seriously--the woman ran that house like a military general. Kate--with her obsessive floor mopping, precise laundering system, aversion to anything resembling stickiness on her children's hands, and insistence on feeding her children organic--was my idol. You did NOT want to mess with that mama. So when things went downhill fast, I was on Team Kate. It wasn't long before Jon revealed himself to be a Grade A d-bag and I knew I had chosen the right side. And for a small while, I think most of America was on her side.

As anyone who has read their weight in entertainment magazines could tell you, if your husband has just ditched you and is now parading around town with a bevy of hoochie mamas, the first thing you do is cry foul--publicly. Just look at Nicole Kidman when Tom Cruise went psycho, or Jennifer Aniston when Brad Pitt left her for Miss Sexy Pout, or even more recently, Sandra Bullock and Capt. Scum. Get the public behind you and your career will flourish.

She was so close! Yeah, Kate had some sympathy there for awhile. You had to feel sorry for a woman whose husband left her to raise 8 kids while he reverted back to his college frat days. But then she had to go and blow it. First, were the rumors of her involvement with her bodyguard. There was no proof so that was easily swept under the rug as mere gossip. Then she went and was photographed repeatedly in her bikini and got hair extensions. I realize that if you look that good after having 8 kids (thanks for the free tummy tuck, Doc!) then you really want to show it off, but when you're trying to keep America on your side, less publicity is the goal here. The nails started hitting the coffin when she joined Dancing With The Stars. Girlfriend revealed to everyone that she is a whiny media hog who, incidentally, can't dance. There were also rumors of her getting her own talk show or co-hosting The View. The handful of faithful supporters she still had were just barely hanging on at this point.

There was probably a infinitesimal chance of her redeeming her image after all this but she managed to effectively slaughter that chance when she appeared on an episode of Sarah Palin's Alaska. She and the kids spent the day (correction--they didn't even last the whole day) with Sarah Palin and her family while they went on a camping trip. They picked a spot near a river, and like the weather here in Washington, it was overcast, cold and drizzly. They did get a good fire going, though, and the kids tried their hands at fishing and making s'mores. They seemed to be having a ball and didn't let the weather bother them at all. Kate, however, was a royal nag. She whined because she was cold. She whined because she was hungry. She whined because it was dirty. She kept trying to convince her kids that they didn't really like it and they should all head home. When that didn't work, she resorted to telling her children that if they liked camping they weren't really Gosselins--they were Palins. Eventually that guilt trip worked and they hiked it back to the house leaving the Palins to finish their camping trip.

Are you kidding me?! Your kids are having a great time outdoors and you ruin it for them? How selfish are you? Do you have any idea how great I think it is when my kids actually want to STAY outside? In the summertime I can only get them to play outside by telling them they have to play outside for an hour before they can play any video games. Newsflash, Kate--you are the MOTHER. You no longer get to do what you want, when you want. Do you know how many birthday parties, carnivals, cheeseball movies, and theme restaurants I have endured for the sake of my children? Suck it up, woman! No one who goes camping with children is doing it for their own benefit; it's a pain in the cellulite-filled hiney! We do it because our kids enjoy it. We do it because they learn about nature and have a great time. You know what those kids are going to remember about their one attempt at a camping trip? That mommy spoiled it for everyone.

Kate, while I won't lower you quite down to Jon's level, you have officially entered d-bag territory.