Monday, December 29, 2008 | By: Slacker Mom

My Heart is in Texas

(Before you begin, I should warn you that I'm feeling especially long-winded!)
Hubby is in Texas right now visiting his family. It was kind of a last-minute decision. We had a free ticket voucher from being bumped off another flight earlier this year and Hubby was thinking about seeing his family. His mom has been really sick for the last couple of years, she has COPD. She was a chronic smoker and her lungs are pretty much hardening up and not working. We spent 3 weeks with his family last Christmas and we knew we couldn't all go this time. Things worked out though and now he is there, spending 10 days visiting with his brothers, sister, family and friends. It's a long time for him to be gone, but I can would never say no to a chance of him getting to see everyone.

But that leaves me here, missing him. I don't sleep when he's gone. Last night (this morning?) I went to sleep at 4:30am. I haven't been to bed before 1:30am since he left on Christmas day. It just doesn't seem right without him here. There are a lot of nights that I go to sleep before him, but he's usually in the same room on the computer. When he's gone, I just sit in bed and read until I can't focus my eyes anymore and then I fall asleep. My kids, however, don't have the same problem and are more than happy to help me wake up in the morning. So I turn on "auto pilot" and start the day.

Because he is all I can think about, this entry is about my husband. I must forwarn you that we are one of those sappy, corny, mushy couples that make you want to be sick. I love every minute of it.

I have a passion for marriage relationships. To me, there is nothing sadder than to see someone in an unhappy marriage. Your spouse is supposed to be your best friend and will be there with you until you die. Who would want to spend a lifetime with someone they aren't happy with?
But, I'll be good to you and not get on my soapbox about marriage today.

When you're growing up, you get this image of what marriage will be like. You think you know what your husband will look like, what your relationship will be, how your life is going to go. Never in my wildest dreams did I come close. I don't necessarily believe that there is just one person on earth that I could've married and been happy with. However, I believe without a doubt that God chose the two of us to be together. I always thought I would like being married, but I never dreamed that I would be with someone who was so perfect for me.

CJ and I have been married for 13 1/2 years. It's gone by so fast. We have 3 children, a house, 2 dogs and CJ runs his own business. We're very busy with life in general. But even so, I sometimes feel like we're still newlyweds. I still look at him in awe at the fact that I get to wake up everyday with him. I look forward to spending time with him, even if it's just sitting next to him on the couch while we both work on separate projects.

He is my absolute best friend. If everyone else on earth disappeared, he is the one person I would want to be with. He spurs me on to be a better person. He encourages me to learn more, do more. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm still lazy and a procrastinator, but he makes me want to get past that. He is constantly teaching me new things and I love to hear his point of view.

We are not the same people that we were when we got married. I'm quite a bit...curvier for one. CJ is as well and is now losing his hair. (He's probably going to kill me for putting that in there.) He likes to joke that he's "twice the man" I married. But I still look at him and find him very sexy. (Yes, I'm going to get even more personal, watch out.)

You know all those corny movie lines from chick flicks? You know, the best lines in the movie that bring two people together that you only hear in the movies because nobody in real life actually talks that way? Lines like:
"You complete me."
"You make me want to be a better man."
"I wanted it to be you so badly."
I know what all those lines mean. I believe that God created the two of us to complement each other. He made us to complete each other. And yes, I am aware that I sound like a moony teenage girl that makes you want to gag. But looking at my husband and my family, I am always constantly aware of the power of God and that everything is in His control. There is no way that we would fit together like we do unless it was designed by Him.

CJ tolerates me when I'm sure no one else would. He laughs at me pathetic jokes and plays along with my games. And he makes me laugh. If you know him, you know his particular brand of humor. Surprise, surprise, I find him hysterical! He always makes me laugh. He's helped me to become more of an optimist as opposed to a staunch pessimist. I don't consider myself a beautiful woman (at least not by the world's standards) but he makes me feel that way. And somehow, he's even made me better at math.

A few years ago, (I'm about to get very personal here so feel free to skip this part) I was always tired and run down. My kids were younger and required so much more of me physically, Logan was not as well-behaved, and I was taking medication that caused chronic fatigue. The last thing I thought about was keeping my husband happy. I enjoy sex but as far as I was concerned, it was just one more thing on my to-do list, one that was easy to bump to the bottom of the list. In the back of my head was always the thought that if I wasn't taking care of CJ, he might find someone who would. So, I did only what I had to do to keep that from happening. But then we went away for a vacation. It was the whole family but I got to spend all day every day with him. We had fun and just relaxed (well, except for the week everyone had the stomach flu). I remembered that I was actually attracted to this man. He still gives me butterflies in my tummy when he kisses me. He can give me a look from across the room that makes me melt. He makes me WANT to have sex. I know that sounds dumb, but I had said on many occasions that it was only for him and if I never had sex again, I would be just fine. I think I had just been putting everything else in my life higher on the priority list than I was putting him. 'Cause he wasn't going anywhere, right? Well, I was reminded that he was more important and that it's not just about keeping him from straying. That has been turned around and I have to admit that he now has more "headaches" than I do.

Things are not always rosy and perfect with us. I tend to have a short fuse with him when I'm stressed and trust me, you do NOT want me to go off my meds. But even if we get frustrated and I raise my voice (he, of course, is too laid back to ever get that worked up about anything), I still know that everything is fine. If I need something, I tell him and vice versa. I learned a long time ago that the saying about "if he loved me he would just know" doesn't cut it. 'Cause men are blind and just don't get it. It needs to be spelled out for them very neon...every day.

I get sad when I see married couples who don't seem to have this same connection. How is it that we are so blessed? Why isn't every marriage this way? When the kids are gone and it's just the two of you left, what will your life be like?

I love my husband. I enjoy my husband. (Now, he may not enjoy me so much after he sees this, but I'll deal with that.) And I'm counting down the days until he comes home. Love you honey!


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