Land of the Lost

Did you feel that gravitational shift last week? You know, the one that caused life to come to a screeching halt? Huh. Maybe it was just me.

Last week Hubby left for Texas. Again. For the last year, he has traveled there almost every month to do a craft fair in Canton. It's great for him because he gets to stay with his brother and evenings are spent playing cards and games with his 3 brothers and his friends. He makes enough at the craft fair to pay for his trip and then it's a business write off.

In the meantime, life isn't so great for the Queen, who is at home with nothing to do but mourn and throw herself pity parties. Let me just take a moment to say that yes, there are times when it's kind of nice that there's no one here directing my schedule or asking me if reading my 3rd trashy novel of the day is really necessary or wondering why I'm sleeping in when the kids have been parked in front of the TV since 7am. I will admit that there are the occasional benefits but for the most part...it sucks.

When Hubby is gone, life gets the brakes slammed on. It's like we're stuck in a holding pattern and we won't get permission to finally land until he's back. I hate to sleep alone and so I avoid it. I tried the whole "hey-kids-let's-all-sleep-in-Mommy's-bed" thing before. It doesn't work. So I stay up reading until I've got one eye closed and the other one crossed and the words are nothing more than disjointed letters floating around in front of me. This means I get to sleep anywhere from 3:30am to 5:30am. And then I can't wake up in the morning. The kids come in around 8am and ask if they can watch cartoons. You mean you want to fill your head with obnoxious cartoons that will no doubt rot whatever brain cells you actually have left in those heads of yours? As long as you don't wake me up, go for it.

After I drag (literally) my carcass out of bed around 10 or 11, I make a halfhearted attempt at being Sainted Mommy and make my kids do their chores, get dressed and even turn off the TV while I decide to skip breakfast because it's too much trouble and sit on my laptop checking out Facebook. During the day, I wander the house aimlessly, occasionally I will find it in me to take care of the dirty dishes or put in a load of laundry. Today I managed to scrub the kitchen floor, even though the rest of the kitchen isn't looking too hot. I encourage the kids to play outside while I sit in the relative silence and lose myself in mindless activities. After lunch, I get the kids going on their video game time and then I drop like a stone back in bed for an hour or so where I make up a small bit of the sleep I didn't get that night.

I have friends that check on me, make sure I'm still alive. I think they just want to reassure themselves that I haven't gone catatonic while rocking in the corner and drooling. They do try to coax me out of my cave but it doesn't usually work. Life is simpler here. Nothing is expected of me until I walk out the front door. I get up, get dressed, feed the kids. Outside these walls, I am expected to hold an intelligent conversation, maybe even listen to someone else. That's just too much to ask.

Dinner time is always interesting when Hubby is gone. I hate to cook when he is here and it's even worse when he's not. Time loses all meaning during his absence so I generally don't realize it's dinner time until 5:30 or 6:00. Then I have to figure out what to make for us that will be relatively quick and most of us will actually eat. Whenever possible, I invite myself over to my parents' house for dinner. I'm much more inclined to eat whatever someone else is going to cook and they live really close.

I re-order my Netflix queue just before Hubby leaves so that I can watch a bunch of the movies that I know he would hate to sit through. The only problem is, it feels wrong to watch a movie without him. Two nights ago, I finally did but only because the movie was from the library and I didn't want to pay any late fines. I sat in my living room by myself and watched it. And it was funny so I was by myself and laughing out loud. That's just not right.

I crawl into bed around midnight, sometimes earlier when I'm really exhausted, and most of the time I have every intention of getting some rest. Never happens. There's no hunk of man candy to snuggle up to, no one to kiss me good night, no one to listen patiently while I suddenly rattle off the twenty things I forgot about earlier that are too important not to be shared at 12:30 at night. I could care less about having the bed all to myself. When he's in it, I'm stuck on him like Velcro and when he's gone, I sleep on his side. Getting the whole bed to myself is highly overrated.

I don't know how single moms or military moms do it. Hubby's only been gone for a week and already I'm walking around resembling a shell-shocked nuclear fallout survivor. While I am perfectly capable of running this house and taking care of the kids without him, I DON'T WANT TO. Where is the fun in that? And trust me, he makes everything fun.

He's supposed to come back on Friday, 4 more days. It's hard to believe we actually lived in 2 different states for 2 months while I was pregnant with Sassy and Howdy and Bubba were just little. How did I survive?